


Some Nights

by CaptainAmericaontheTardis



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Help, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sam Is there for Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-11
Updated: 2014-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-08 08:33:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1934088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainAmericaontheTardis/pseuds/CaptainAmericaontheTardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Some nights you just don’t win</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Nights

Some nights you just don’t win, Steve thought as he slowly put a jacket on and opened the door just before weakly leaning on the sturdy door frame and closing his eyes. After all this time he actually got better at dealing with the nightmares that plagued him night after night but lately they had been taking their toll on even the great super soldier. He could stay up for days at a time on missions and work but the worst part of these nightmares was the constant fear of sleep that he began to feel and he was tired but sleep seemed to be a distant thing. 

He would lay down on the marshmallow bed and look up at the ceiling, tired and tense, only to panic even more with the knowledge that if he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep he would be plunged once again into cold water or see the bloody and terrified confusion of his best friends face as he hit him in the face once again with that metal arm. Steve would be jerked awake, sweating and breathing heavily, in shock once again over every even in his life that he would prefer not to relive. 

And it had been like this basically since the fall of Shield and the return of Bucky, nights and nights of Steve either not sleeping out of fear or only sleeping a for a short period of time before he would be consumed with the shock of the nightmares and wake up alone and in pain. However, Captain America was anything if not positive and every morning he would put on a smile and go jogging and then go through the events of the day as if nothing had been wrong. 

Most people never guessed that there might be a problem but Steve often wondered if Sam, a man whom he often thought about how thankful he was to have him by his side through all of this, saw right through the show. Thankfully, as was the way for Sam, he never pried, and would only put a hand on Steve’s shoulder every now and again, reminding him that he wasn’t alone. 

Most mornings he was fine, he could push past the fatigue and face the world but he was beginning to worry about his ability to do that this morning but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. He pushed himself heavily off the door frame and took a few steps forward, shaking his head trying to wake himself up, he took a breathe and headed down the stairs. He realized to late that he probably should have taken the elevator as every step down felt like a shock to his body. He was halfway down the floors when everything seemed to shut down, he forgot about everything he had to do that day and he forgot about jogging or talking to people. He slumped down forcefully onto the side of the stairs, sitting down weakly on the step while holding on to the bar with both hands. He leaned his head on the arm closest to the fall and stared straight ahead, expressionless and wide eyed. Everything in the world disappeared except for that one little piece of light blue wall that he stared at intently without even meaning to. 

He didn’t know how long he was there but he thought that people had passed him at some point, they didn’t stop to talk to him though, but he couldn’t be sure, that may have simply been his imagination.

He would have stayed there forever. Until he heard the sound of shoes on the stairs, they were coming up rather than coming down. He wanted to look up to see who was there but his eyes were locked on that little piece of wall and everything else was still grey. The footsteps go closer and he figured that they too would pass him like the others had done but these stopped near him, at this point they could have been Bucky’s footsteps and Steve probably would have let him kill him. 

A face lowered itself into Steve’s line of sight, however it wasn’t Bucky’s face. Steve still didn’t move or look away, Sam looked back checking to make sure that he wasn’t staring at anything in particular before looking back at him, a mixture of worry and understanding on his face. He didn’t look confused or scared like a lot of people might have if they stumbled on the same sight, but he rarely did. That was something that Steve loved most about Sam Wilson, he always seemed to have everything under control when no one else did, even Captain America. 

Sam reached out a cool hand and placed it lightly on the side of Steve’s face, the chock of having somebody touch him made him jump violently. Sam’s face expressed more sadness than worry now as he looked critically at Steve’s condition. He shook his head lightly, in less of a “Hopeless” way and more of a “I get it” way. He took a breath and disappeared from Steve’s line of sight, Steve wanted to see where he went in a moment of panic but his eyes wouldn’t move. After a moment he felt Sam sit down next to him, a warm and comfortable bulk after being alone for so long. 

Sam reached up, over the super soldier and lightly pried his hands away from the bar, they were shaking but Sam held on tightly as he pulled Steve over and away from the wall until he was leaning on the “pilot’s” shoulder with his arm around him. Steve slid down slowly until his head was resting on Sam’s upper chest, he could feel every even breath that Sam took and he felt the panic dissipating from his chest as the other soldier held him. His eyes were still wide open with a view of the other man’s grey shirt and arm rather than the cold wall. They stayed there like that for a long time with the only thing said from Sam when he pulled Steve tighter towards him with one arm.

“It’s going to be okay, man”

The words were quiet and soft, disappearing back into the silence until Steve doubted that he even heard them at all or if it was just his mind playing tricks again. It seemed like a long time before anything happened until Sam lightly patted Steve’s shoulder and shifted his weight, speaking clearly for the first time. 

“Come on, man, let’s get you to bed.”

He calmly stood up and Steve looked up at him with the same tired and confused eyes. 

“You need rest.”

Sam reached out a hand but when Steve didn’t take it he leaned over, wrapping an arm around his waste and pulling him up and letting the super soldier’s arm droop over his neck. Steve fumbled for a second and Sam put another firm hand on his stomach steadying him.

“I got you, don’t worry.”

They made their way the few steps up to the platform, with Sam supporting Steve and making sure he didn’t fall. Before they started up the next flight of stairs Steve pulled away slightly and Sam steadied him once again. 

“Sam, I--”

“Don’t man, I’m not going anywhere and you need to sleep. We’re in this together, remember?”

They began to make their way up the stairs slowly and evenly, a small, tired smile made it’s way onto Steve’s face and he gave in, letting Sam support him up the stairs. Sam looked over at Steve and gave a little smirk as they made their way up the stairs.

“What no snarky reply? Well, now I’m really concerned. But don’t worry, one good long sleep and you’ll be back to making lame forties jokes in no time, I promise.”

Steve chuckled despite of everything. They finally made it to the right floor and Sam slipped a hand into Steve’s pocket, pulling out the apartment keys before using his free hand to open the door. He kicked the door shut and led Steve to the bed where he made him lay down, despite Steve trying to remain sit up. He made his way around the apartment, closing all the curtains and plugging up any little sources of light from the outside before he clicked the light off. 

Steve felt the fear quickly rising up in his chest again and he pushed himself up, shaking until he felt the bed lower slightly as someone else got on it. He felt Sam’s arm wrap around his waste as he pulled him back on his side tensely. However, as Sam snuggled up closer to his back, the fear disappeared again and he smiled to himself, hoping that this was the way it was going to be for the rest of his life. He closed his eyes for the first time in a while and held on to Sam’s hand has he fell asleep, no longer worried about the nightmares.


End file.
